Male Presenter: The envelope please? (Breaks seal, smiles and shows the envelope to Gorgeous Female Presenter)
A beat of silence in the Auditorium
Gorgeous Female Presenter: (Smiles enthusiastically) And the winner of Thursday’s Freshly Pressed honour is… Blockader’s 210 Thoughts! His 140th Thought! (Giggles with delight and claps!)
Applause erupts in Auditorium. Near deafening.
Everyone looks around for Brad, waiting for him to accept his award. He is nowhere to be seen.
Male Presenter: (Leans into the mike) Is Brad here?
Applause stops.
Lone voice in the back: He’s out to lunch!
Chuckling occurs in Auditorium as that statement can be taken different ways.
Gorgeous Female Presenter: (Quickly taking statuette and hugging it to her ample bosom) Then on his behalf, I’d like to accept…
Door opens in back as Brad enters. Makes his way to his seat with a bottle of Pepsi Throwback, half empty, in his hand. He has a confused look on his face not really registering what’s going on arround him.
Brad: (muttering aloud to himself): My dashboard says I have seven comments pending. I never have seven comments pending! And they are all for a post from a week ago. What’s going on with my blog? Did I break it?
Person in seat next to Brad: (Elbow’s Brad and points to stage) You won! Get up there!
Brad: (Baffled) I am one what?
Person in seat next to Brad: Not one, won! You’re blog has been fresh pressed! (Person in seat next to Brad is not familiar with the proper use of the word you’re, but no one corrects him because he is speaking it and not writing it.)
Brad: (Eyes grow wide and double-checks his dashboard) 315 visitors while I was at lunch! (Realization sets in) I won! I won! (Leaps up on his seat and jumps up and down)
Person in seat next to Brad: (Rolls eyes and shakes head before saying to the Person in seat next to the Person in seat next to Brad) Great, I am sitting next to Tom Cruise.
Brad: (Rushes to the stage, shakes hand of Male Presenter, and reaches for his statue from Gorgeous Female Presenter who gives him a kiss before surrendering the award reluctantly.) Thank you so much!!! (Leaps in the air with a spinning jump, showing off. Catches his back pocket on a fastener attached to the microphone stand and rips the seat out of his pants. Ignoring his exposure he pumps the statue in the air over his head.) I am so excited! (Behind him a tall, slim, blond woman blows across the stage. He let’s her splat against the wall.)
Applause!
Brad: It’s a dream come true. To have my blog not only fresh pressed, but to have it fresh pressed on the same page as Anne Hathaway! (Face reddens slightly)
=freshly pressed=
Brad: Life has changed so much for me since winning this award. My stats graph now looks like a big letter “L” laying on its side.
=fallen L=
Brad: (Grows serious) I am privileged and honoured to have one of my posts of words freshly pressed and there are some people I would like to thank for assisting me along the way.
God never blessed me with the power to fly but he still gave me the ability to soar, through the gifts of a vivid memory and a twisted imagination. For this I am eternally grateful.
I’d like to thank Jaqueline, who was one of the first people to read my 210th thought over a year ago and when I hadn’t written anything after 10 months suggested to me that I should write more.
I’d like to thank the published author, Stephen King, for some of the things he said to me one Sunday morning in the Church vestibule, his enthusiasm with his own blog inspired me to start writing again.
I’d like to thank my Mom and Dad for disconnecting their internet. That really makes it easier for me to think some of my thoughts online without having to explain myself during the next Sunday dinner.
I’d like to thank my Facebook friends who, for the past three months, put up with me posting links to my blog continually in my status update. I really appreciate the 10% percent of you who took the time to actually click the links. (Make sure you tell the other 90% what they are missing.)
I like to thank Mikalee; her’s was the first Word Press blog I ever felt brave enough to leave a comment on. And when her blog went on to become famous, I decided to learn from her and try to follow her blogging example (Just with a lot less swearing.)
I wanna thank my Post a Day 2011, Blogging buddy Narendra for his encouragements. He is constantly opening my eyes to the wonders of cultures not my own and I always find it funny how the idea of snow amazes him.
I have to thank Angel, for the comment she left on my 144th thought. That simple short comment was what inspired me to write the post that was freshly pressed.
I like to thank the 11 people who subscribed to my blog before I was FP’ed. Check Them Out!
Jerrica: http://www.jerricajoyphotography.com
Darkstarburning: http://darkstarburning.wordpress.com
Angel: http://angelwheeler.wordpress.com
Cassie: http://mutteringsandststutterings.wordpress.com
Narendra: http://reddyzviewz.wordpress.com
Jamie Lynn: http://skinnyschminny.wordpress.com
Emma: http://wordsarefornerds.wordpress.com
Kolembo: http://kolembo.wordpress.com
Estherlou: http://estherspaint.com
Ava: http://avaaston.wordpress.com
Hermionejh: http://seekingsearchingmeaning.wordpress.com/
I would like to thank all of you who visited my Freshly Pressed blog on Thursday & Friday, and for a brief time made 210 Thoughts the 6th fastest growing blog on word press.
- ===
Finally, I’d like to thank the girl in the bright orange bathing suit, swimming at Second Falls during a long ago summer evening in 1982, if not for her I would never have…
(Microphone cuts out and the orchestra begins to play. Gorgeous Female Presenter loops her arm in Brad’s as both are led off the stage by Male presenter. Brad’s ripped pants flapping in the wind.)
=Cut to commercial =
Narrator: Are you trying to finish a time machine in your basement but can’t find the 16 gig flash drive you need to finish it?
The Convoluted Menagerie 
“Just with a lot less swearing” that is the single biggest reason why I keep visiting again and again..your blog is a wonderful example of hitting top without being critical or shooting down others or writing some random titillating stuff..good clean humor has been hallmark of your blog.. Big thumbs up
Thank you for the all the entertainment, Brad.. Extremely happy for you..
Thanks Narendra,
For 8 summers I was involved with summer camps for kids, and many nights around the campfire my job was to share with them stories. It was there I learned I could make them laugh without being negative or critical. I think inside most of us adults, there is still that part of us that that loves to laugh like a child, and thats the part I aim to appeal. Other authors target the more adult parts of us, dealing with darker or more serious issues in a passionate way. I believe there is a place for that too, and when no one is looking, that will make the grown-up me laugh.
Awesome Brad!!!! I’m so happy for you, but what’d I say? what’d I say? Can I be on stage with you? In the theatre in my mind, I’m in the huddled crowd around you while you accept your award. And I’m skinny.
Thanks Angel,
Your comment was simply, “I love it!! You make me laugh everyday. Take time for the little things.”
Don’t worry I am sure your time to be onstage is coming up since I hear you have been nominated for the “Unexpected Muse” catagory.
Congrats! And you’re welcome. 🙂 I’m glad you started writing again because I love reading your blog. It brings back memories and makes me giggle. 🙂
Jacqueline, everyone else around the world who now giggles because of my blog owes that giggle in part to you.
Congrats on the Freshly Pressed – and I’d like to take this moment to say that I also signed up for your Blog before you got famous…
I’ve appreciated the laughs I get when I read your blog, and I sure hope you intended humor…
cheers!
Thanks Hermionejh,
I knew the moment I started listing names
I would end up missing some. I’ll have to fix that.
I am happy to make you laugh and yes that is my intent.
I think this is probably one of the best blog posts you’ve written. I like how you tied in stuff from several of you other posts. Congrats on the “Freshly Pressed”!
Thanks Allison, It was fun slipping in the references to previous blogs, I figured it would be fun for my regular readers to spot them.
Ah, Brad — you’ve earned this moment all on your own, through your talent, sense of humor, timing and skill. Congrats, my fellow blogging friend — I can say, “I knew him when…”
And btw, I don’t swear that much, do I? Hmmm…
😉
Hmmmm? Shall I count the %#!@ ways? 🙂
Thanks Mikalee
WTG !! Very well deserved, your blog is always an enjoyable read 🙂
*looks at trophy wistfully*
Thanks DSB, And let me say in return that your blog is one of the few that I look forward to reading each day. And I look forward to clapping loudly when you win yours!
*lets you hold the trophy for a moment*
Niiiice!!! Congrats on the Freshly Pressed! Did you happen to Google “divorce doodles” yet? 😉
Looking forward to more laughs and great posts!
Thanks Meg, and yes I did google that.
Holy Cow! How did I miss this? Congratulations, Brad. You’re the third of my blogging buddies to be Freshly Pressed in the last week. I know how I missed this. I was the first commenter on those other blogs and I’ve been deleting a gazillion comments from my inbox. 🙂
Surprise! Thanks Margaret.
So are you saying it all depends on who you know?
*shouts out*
To all you who want to be freshly pressed, go visit Margaret! (It’s one way to generate traffic) 🙂
🙂 Ha ha. Not quite what I meant.
I was the first commenter on a blog that was later FP’d. All of the following comments came to my inbox because I had checked that “notify me of comments” box. When I arrived home and opened my email I almost fell off my chair. There should be a pop-up window that says “Blog just went viral. Are you sure you want to receive email notifications of comments?”
Well, you’ve set out to do when you planned to do with your blog – made at least one person laugh today. Thanks and congratulations on your sudden rise to fame in the WP blogosphere.
Thanks Joy, I heard that laughter. Now its your turn to make someone else laugh. Go for it!
OK, it took awhile but here it is – a laugh for the day. Lifted almost directly from an email (anonymous jokester) but I thought it was kind of funny and couldn’t resist. Hope you enjoy it.
http://www.2livewithjoy.com/2011/02/14/the-psychiatrist-and-the-hairdresser/
hehe
Thanks Joy, Hairdressers must be some of the smartest people I know.
hi
hi back
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