Male Presenter: The envelope please? (Breaks seal, smiles and shows the envelope to Gorgeous Female Presenter)
A beat of silence in the Auditorium
Gorgeous Female Presenter: (Smiles enthusiastically) And the winner of Thursday’s Freshly Pressed honour is… Blockader’s 210 Thoughts! His 140th Thought! (Giggles with delight and claps!)
Applause erupts in Auditorium. Near deafening.
Everyone looks around for Brad, waiting for him to accept his award. He is nowhere to be seen.
Male Presenter: (Leans into the mike) Is Brad here?
Lone voice in the back: He’s out to lunch!
Chuckling occurs in Auditorium as that statement can be taken different ways.
Gorgeous Female Presenter: (Quickly taking statuette and hugging it to her ample bosom) Then on his behalf, I’d like to accept…
Door opens in back as Brad enters. Makes his way to his seat with a bottle of Pepsi Throwback, half empty, in his hand. He has a confused look on his face not really registering what’s going on arround him.
Brad: (muttering aloud to himself): My dashboard says I have seven comments pending. I never have seven comments pending! And they are all for a post from a week ago. What’s going on with my blog? Did I break it?
Person in seat next to Brad: (Elbow’s Brad and points to stage) You won! Get up there!
Brad: (Baffled) I am one what?
Person in seat next to Brad: Not one, won! You’re blog has been fresh pressed! (Person in seat next to Brad is not familiar with the proper use of the word you’re, but no one corrects him because he is speaking it and not writing it.)
Brad: (Eyes grow wide and double-checks his dashboard) 315 visitors while I was at lunch! (Realization sets in) I won! I won! (Leaps up on his seat and jumps up and down)
Person in seat next to Brad: (Rolls eyes and shakes head before saying to the Person in seat next to the Person in seat next to Brad) Great, I am sitting next to Tom Cruise.
Brad: (Rushes to the stage, shakes hand of Male Presenter, and reaches for his statue from Gorgeous Female Presenter who gives him a kiss before surrendering the award reluctantly.) Thank you so much!!! (Leaps in the air with a spinning jump, showing off. Catches his back pocket on a fastener attached to the microphone stand and rips the seat out of his pants. Ignoring his exposure he pumps the statue in the air over his head.) I am so excited! (Behind him a tall, slim, blond woman blows across the stage. He let’s her splat against the wall.)
Brad: It’s a dream come true. To have my blog not only fresh pressed, but to have it fresh pressed on the same page as Anne Hathaway! (Face reddens slightly)
Brad: Life has changed so much for me since winning this award. My stats graph now looks like a big letter “L” laying on its side.
God never blessed me with the power to fly but he still gave me the ability to soar, through the gifts of a vivid memory and a twisted imagination. For this I am eternally grateful.
I’d like to thank Jaqueline, who was one of the first people to read my 210th thought over a year ago and when I hadn’t written anything after 10 months suggested to me that I should write more.
I’d like to thank the published author, Stephen King, for some of the things he said to me one Sunday morning in the Church vestibule, his enthusiasm with his own blog inspired me to start writing again.
I’d like to thank my Mom and Dad for disconnecting their internet. That really makes it easier for me to think some of my thoughts online without having to explain myself during the next Sunday dinner.
I’d like to thank my Facebook friends who, for the past three months, put up with me posting links to my blog continually in my status update. I really appreciate the 10% percent of you who took the time to actually click the links. (Make sure you tell the other 90% what they are missing.)
I like to thank Mikalee; her’s was the first Word Press blog I ever felt brave enough to leave a comment on. And when her blog went on to become famous, I decided to learn from her and try to follow her blogging example (Just with a lot less swearing.)
I wanna thank my Post a Day 2011, Blogging buddy Narendra for his encouragements. He is constantly opening my eyes to the wonders of cultures not my own and I always find it funny how the idea of snow amazes him.
I have to thank Angel, for the comment she left on my 144th thought. That simple short comment was what inspired me to write the post that was freshly pressed.
I like to thank the 11 people who subscribed to my blog before I was FP’ed. Check Them Out!
Jamie Lynn: http://skinnyschminny.wordpress.com
I would like to thank all of you who visited my Freshly Pressed blog on Thursday & Friday, and for a brief time made 210 Thoughts the 6th fastest growing blog on word press.
Finally, I’d like to thank the girl in the bright orange bathing suit, swimming at Second Falls during a long ago summer evening in 1982, if not for her I would never have…
(Microphone cuts out and the orchestra begins to play. Gorgeous Female Presenter loops her arm in Brad’s as both are led off the stage by Male presenter. Brad’s ripped pants flapping in the wind.)
=Cut to commercial =
Narrator: Are you trying to finish a time machine in your basement but can’t find the 16 gig flash drive you need to finish it?