“Two times or three?” she asked

“Two,” I answered


“Yes, two.”

“You sure? Two?”

“Yes! Just two.”

“Not three?”

“No Susan, not three. Just two.”

“Okay, two.”

“Agreed. Two”

“It better not be three!”

“Why would it be three? I said two.”

“Brad, if it’s three I’ll be so mad at you!”

“Susan, it will be two, trust me! Not three.”

“It better be two!”

“Only two.”

“Okay. Two.”




On stage in front of hundreds Susan sits alone next to a phone.

I am hidden behind a wall controlling the sound effects.

I make the sound of the phone ringing once. I see her glance at me as it rings.

Susan reacts excitedly, “It’s the phone call I’ve been waiting for!”

I sound the ringing phone a second time.

Susan looks at the audience then back at the phone. “I better answer it!” She takes a breath, picks up the receiver and eagerly speaks into it, “Hello?”

I ring the phone for the third time.

Susan slams the receiver down and glares at me off stage. As the audience’s laughter fills the hall, she slowly mouths the word. “TWO!”

My career as a stage director doesn’t really go much further then that.

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